So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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