He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
