Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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