I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
