I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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