My balls are so social today.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
