Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
