Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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