How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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