it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
