problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
