wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize