Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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