Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
