And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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