On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Randomize