its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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