i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
