im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
