He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
