can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
