Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Holy sore nipples Batman
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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