FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
