just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
