i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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