It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
