who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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