I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
