Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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