after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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