2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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