You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
