weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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