She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
