I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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