I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
