wakey wakey hands off snakey
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
