no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
