i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
