He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize