Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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