im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
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