you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
