u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
