the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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