beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
