I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam đ
Well that didnât go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He sang the chorus to âInside of youâ by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldnât even be mad, that probably took talent
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