I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
