I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
