The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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