Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
