Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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