Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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