Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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