I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
You can't motorboat a personality
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize