he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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