so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
