Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
