Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
