Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
