I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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