Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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