The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Damn victory sex feels great
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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