i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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