is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
