the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize