I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
The air taste purple.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
