bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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