just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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