You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
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