So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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