I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
