At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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