just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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