Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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