Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
