i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
