google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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