took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I think my moral compass just broke
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
