How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
