I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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