Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize