wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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