Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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