I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
