Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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