I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
