I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
