I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
