You just made me feel so damn special
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
